And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
I printed off all the things I needed to for tomorrow.
Once tomorrow’s over I will finally be able to relax.
So at my house we have an intercom in everyone’s room and when you press “talk” and speak into it everyone can hear what you say
So last night at like 1 AM I spoke into it and quietly whispered “Shia Labeouf“
I heard my mom scream in the other room
IM GIGGLING I JUST REMEMBERED XMEN ORIGINS DEADPOOL
WHAT THE FUCK. WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. WHO LET THIS PASS INTO FINAL DEVELOPMENT